October 28, 2016

Anymore

I’ve been looking for you so for long
I think I’ve exhausted everything else
If you’re out there somewhere
You’re not waiting for me anymore
Any more than I’m waiting for you

I’m so tired of wasting desires
On people who don’t care about me
I’ve wasted affections
On too many women
I think I’ve finally reached the end

I know what I want now
I know now that’s asking too much
Don’t bother asking me what that is
I’ve been used too many times
To care anymore

You can only give yourself enough
Before you realize that those you give yourself too
Don’t want to give anything back to you
I’ve given up on trying
There’s no reason for it anymore

If you are out there
I’ll probably be too blind to see you
I can’t promise you anything
I don’t want to promise anything
Make me realize that you’re with the pain


10-28-16

September 25, 2016

The Other Side of the Mirror

I’ve been searching all of my life
For someone who I can connect with
Someone who understands my soul
Someone who I give them everything I am
But that someone doesn’t exist

It’s taken me a long time to understand that
There is no one out there for me
I may have seen glimpses of what it’s like
But that’s all it was
A look from the other side of the mirror

I don’t know why I’ve been kept from this
I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve this
A life of solitude and a life of longing
I’ve gone beyond caring about it anymore
Why should it even concern me anymore?

I’ve been within reach of it only to lose it
I couldn’t hold on to it, no matter what I did
I’ve had my heart and soul used
I don’t deserve anything that hasn’t been given to me
But why I’ve been denied me is the real mystery

I know the part I’ve played in all of this
I’m not the one anybody needs or deserves
I’m not the prince or the hero
I’m not asking for sympathy
I don’t know what I’m asking for anymore

If this this is the life I’m supposed to leave
Then I can live with that
Its okay, it’s alright
I don’t care anymore
If this is where I’m supposed to be

I’ve been here for so long
I don’t know what any other path looks like
If there is someone that thinks I can be their prince
Then I can be anything they want me to be
If not, then I can be what I’ve always been


9-25-16

August 30, 2016

Far Ahead

Maybe I should tell you
What happens whenever I look at you
Not that it would matter to you
But I’m not really sure
That it would matter to me either

I don’t know what to do
About something I know will never happen
It’s a curse upon myself
That I will never lift
And I don’t even care anymore if it does

I’ve gotten used to being alone
It doesn’t matter anymore
If that’s the way my life will turn out
I can’t see that far ahead anymore
I don’t even want to try

Not that any of that matters to you
It doesn’t really matter if it does anyways
You have your own dreams and your own life
I don’t see myself as being any part of it
The path’s we’re taking will never come together

Whether or not I will be a part of someone’s life
Will always be up to them and never up to me
It’ll take a miracle to convince me otherwise
I don’t believe in miracles anymore
Except for the ones we make for ourselves


8-30-16

May 23, 2016

Hero

I don’t know what to say when I’m around you
It’s not that I’m nervous and can’t speak
That’s the first time I can say that
It’s just that I don’t know if you’re listening
And I don’t really know if you can

I can’t be what you want me to be right now
That much is obvious to me
And it’s evident in the way we are together
I’m just there to make you smile
And I guess that’ll have to be enough

I don’t know if I can ever be what you want
I don’t even know if that’s even desirable
How much of myself I would lose in the process
Would destroy me or build me up
And I can’t say what option is better

I see a beauty and an intelligence there
When it’s sometimes lost to you
It’s always there and I never miss it
But I don’t know if that even matters
If we’re from two different worlds

You need a hero and I’ve never been one
You need someone to hold you at all hours
And I can’t do that right now
You need someone to be there for you
All I can do is listen and hope

Maybe there will be a future for us some day
Maybe will just wind up being the closest of friends
I’ll just have to settle for that if that’s what the future holds
I’ll try to be there for you whenever I can, even it’s not enough
It’s all I can ever do for you


5-23-16

April 29, 2016

Our Own Journey

There’s been so many nights
That I’ve spent alone
Lost inside my thoughts
Lost inside my own imagination
There’s too many questions that I ask

What am I still doing here
When there’s a universe out there
In front of me
I know I don’t belong here anymore
So what is it that keeps me here?

I don’t know the answer to these questions
I’ve decided to stop asking them
Why should I care about the answer?
If the question never gets listened too
Then why do I still have the uncertainty?

I’ve walked a lonely path so far
The ones that have joined me
Have been as valuable as friends can be
But no one is ever there long enough
To see what the road ahead truly holds

We are all on our own journey
We might find that one special person
Who understands us and who loves us
But I haven’t found that person yet
And I don’t think I ever will

We are here to bring happiness to each other
That’s the only truth I’ve ever known
Anything other than that is a waste of time
I hope I can bring some happiness to you all
It’s the only thing I’ve ever had to give


4-29-16

April 24, 2016

I Am Alone

We all reach a moment of realization in our lives
A moment where the truth of our existence
Hits us squarely in the face
Sometimes it needs someone else to do it for us
But it usually just needs an explosion to make us see

I’ve always felt alone
One drop lost in the sea of humanity
It’s not something that I can avoid
And not something anyone can fix
Although a few have tried

I am alone
I know that now
The journey along the path of life
Is mine to determine
There is no one else I can trust
To join me on this long and lonely road

There are those who have tried to get through
But they are on the same lonely journey
That I am and always have been on
No matter how hard I try
There’s something that keeps me from them

No one can determine my fate but myself
I will no longer let anyone determine what makes me happy
The truth of what I am has been difficult to understand
Some have brought me to this understanding
By making feel a kind of pain I never understood

If you wish to understand me
That’s your choice
Don’t think you can control me
You will be disappointed
I will always be who I choose to be

This journey has been a lonely one
You can either make me happy
Or you can be another disappointment
Choose who you wish to be
Either way, the road continues

4-24-16

April 13, 2016

The Gap Between Us

Maybe I should tell you
What’s going on in my head
Whenever you’re around
But I can’t ever find the time
And then the time abandons me

I don’t know if it would make a difference
I don’t feel normal around you
And usually that’s not a problem
But I don’t feel like myself either
And that’s the bigger problem

I don’t know what to say half of the time
You leave be breathless and thoughtless
Words never find their way out
But I know it wouldn’t matter if they did
And that’s where the pain comes from

There’s a gap between us
A whole that nothing can fill
You’re life has been an epic journey
I don’t feel I can be a part of it right now
I can’t be a part of it the way I want to

Maybe, someday it can be different
I can be a better person for you
I can be the hero that you deserve
I don’t know if that day will ever come
And it may be too late when it finally arrives

I’ll just try to enjoy the time that I have with you
And try just to make you smile
That’s all that I need most of the time anyways
I need to find my own happiness
So I can one day help you find yours


4-13-16

March 12, 2016

Somewhere in the Middle

I walk alone
And I don’t care anymore
This path that I’m on
Doesn’t need anyone
To make me feel like I’m worth it
It’s a feeling I’ve become used too

There’s no other way that I know
I’ve been disappointed too many times
Either by others or through myself
All actions have been meaningless
All words have fallen on deaf ears

There is no right person
They don’t exist
How could they?
I’ve looked my entire life
I need to find that person in myself
Before I can find it someone else

Broken promises
And false hopes have been
The only reality that I’ve ever known
Moments of sweetness and joy
Have been destroyed
Faster than they were created

I don’t hold that kind of hope for myself
And I’m not looking for sympathy
I’m only looking for understanding
I’m not going to try anymore
My life will be my own

If you want to go on the journey with me
I can promise faithfulness, laughter, and joy
I can’t promise anything else
You be who you are and I’ll be who I am
And, maybe, we’ll meet somewhere in the middle


3-11-17

The Willing Fool

You knew what you were doing
You had to know
You knew what you were doing to me
I told you enough times
Until I felt like I was talking to empty space

I knew what I was getting into with you
I knew there was always danger
Behind those angelic eyes
Once again, I chose to ignore the danger
And realize I had nothing to lose with you

You turned inside once again
There’s no other reality but yours
Those who are there are just visiting
I can’t say that you really care about anyone
You just use those who come into your life

We had our moments together
But they meant nothing to you
Or less than you cared to express
You knew what it would do to me
But controlling me meant more than friendship

I was a fool
But I was a willing fool
I will not be that willing fool any more
I hope you can find your happiness
Because all you offered me was disappointment


3-12-16

March 4, 2016

It's a Dream

I’m tired of waiting
On something that will never happen
There’s so much to suggest
That loneliness will be
The only companion I will ever know

You don’t know what it’s like
How could you?
You never asked me
I was always just there
Waiting for the next disappointment

I led myself to believe
That you cared more than you said
But It’s an illusion that I created
It’s a dream that I knew wouldn’t come true
And it’s a dream I’ve had too many times before

You weren’t the first
I knew I didn’t want the dream to come true
And I knew it possibly couldn’t
From the moment you opened your mouth
I knew it would end badly

I will move on from this
Another painful lesson learned
You will be yet another disappointment
And will be just another chapter to you
When will this cycle end?

I’m sick of silence
I’m sick of disappointment
I have to be happy with myself
Before I can be happy with someone else
That’s the only truth I believe in anymore


3-4-16