June 14, 2019

Understand


I can’t do this anymore
I can’t do this to my soul
I can’t do this to my heart
I can’t do this for anyone else
I can’t save anyone

I can’t make you feel what you don’t feel
I can’t make you understand
I can’t be anyone’s hero
I can’t be what anyone needs me to be
I can’t be anything for anyone

I can’t say what you need me to say
I can’t be anything other than myself
I can’t feel what I’m not supposed to feel
I can’t bring your pain into my life
I can’t love you the way you need to be loved

I can’t be there when you need me
I can’t feel this anger and pain for no reason
I can’t be the one who allows you to do this to me
I can’t compromise what I believe for you
I can’t do anything to hurt you

I can see what you are now
I can see what you and I would become
I can now understand why that would be poisonous
I can now do for myself what I need to do
I just can’t do it with you

June 10, 2019

Scars


You’re standing at the edge
And I can’t see you
I’ve been there with you
I’ve tried to be there with you
And I want to be still

Life has been a war for you
Some battles have left you
With more scars than you can count
I want to heal them in some way
If you’ll only let me

I don’t know all the secrets you hide
I don’t know all the pain you conceal
I’ll never think less of you for any of it
We all have damage and pain that defines us
The question is how do we overcome it

My love for you isn’t based on your past
It’s about our present and future
I want us to have that future together
The enemy we have is everyone’s enemy: time
I want to spend as much of it as I can with you

We’ll have our battles to fight together
We’re fighting them now
All I want is for you to be happy
To see the woman you really are
That’s worth all the time I have left in this world

June 7, 2019

Light the Fire


You have lit a fire
That I don’t want to put out
You’ve given me hope
You’ve made me feel things
I never thought I would feel

There’s so much that you have done
That you don’t know about
A wandering soul
Has been brought back down
By your patience and love

There are things about both our lives
That we both want to change
I want to be the best for you
In everything that I do
I want to be the man you need me to be

Life has not been easy for you
No life is easy, every life is a carnival
We are here now, together
That’s all that matters to me
Your happiness is all that matters to me

I don’t know where we are going
I don’t know what the future holds
I’m facing down my fear and my demons
With your love and patience
I hope to do the same for you

I’m a tired soul that needed something
I could not define what it was
Your touch, your love is what I was waiting for
I will hold on to that for as long as I have strength
Never, ever let me go

May 29, 2019

Nothing


I held you in my arms
I felt your lips on mine
I felt your hand in mine
I looked deep into your eyes
Nothing

I felt your warmth against my skin
I felt alone in a crowded room
I know the scent of your hair
I know how soft your face is
Nothing

We got closer than I ever thought we would
We shared moments of passion
That I thought I would never feel again
We did all this together
Nothing

I know the difference now
Between the heart and the mind
One can feel what the other does not
One can lead you astray
One can lead you back

Will I get there again? I don’t know
It won’t be with you
But for now, I can tell you
What the promise has left me with again
Nothing

March 1, 2019

You


You’re on my mind every day
Whether I want you to be or not
Some part of me wants to be part of your life
Even though that part died a long time ago
And I don’t want to feel it again

We had our moments
Many of them filled with joy
But even those memories
Are tainted by an anger
And the pain that accompanied others

We tried to make it work
We did everything we could
We both gave up on each other
The love never ended
We just knew it wouldn’t happen

An ocean stood between us
Time was not on our side
We got too far ahead of ourselves
We held on to hope too tightly
Our dreams never made it to reality

I couldn’t give you what you wanted
Even though I tried
You gave me what I needed
Even though it wasn’t enough
We both fell short of the other’s expectations

The lessons were learned
It would be better if I could forget you
But that’s not what I want
This part of me will never die
And it never should


2-28-19

January 15, 2019

Enemy

You’re the enemy
Of someone who has very few
You’ve picked at my soul
Like a child picking at his food
And you wonder why the hunger remains
You are called ‘Love’, by some
There are those that swear by you
Believe in you
Believe in your promises
I am no longer one of them
‘Falling’ is the best word you have
We can’t see the bottom
Sometimes there is none
Sometimes it comes up too fast
Gravity is your best companion
‘Love’, ‘Amore’, whatever you are
You tease me
You want to kill me
And then expect me to breathe again
You don’t know what you’re asking
The knife gets slipped in the back again
You cut deeper and deeper
Between the ribs and to the heart
You leave me numb again and again
You make me think I can’t live without you
‘Love’, you make me blind
You are the pain that accompanies a sleepless night
You are the edge of desire
You are everything I will never have
You are God’s cruelest creation
You can not take away my hope
That is the most stubborn of all flames
You’re not strong enough to defeat me
But, ‘Love’, don’t come near me again
You won’t like what you see

1-10-19

Begin to Hope

I didn’t know you
I wasn’t planning on this
Meeting someone like you
But there you were
Like a flash of lightning in a storm
The most honest eyes
I have ever seen
The kindest, warmest soul
That I’ve ever encountered
Is this really happening?
I don’t know what to do now
I’m too used to disappointment
To being treated like a ghost
Or something to be used
I don’t want to repeat that with you
Are you going to be different?
You already are
Alone in a crowded room with you
The world just seemed to evaporate
All I needed there was you
What will happen between us
Is only for God to know
But for right now, just right now
I’ll let things happen
And I’ll begin to hope

1-5-19

July 19, 2018

Seasons

So many times
I wonder what you’re doing
The void between us
Has gotten wider and darker
And there’s nothing that can fill it

We used to bare our souls
We used to laugh together
To see each other through the darkness
But now all of that is gone
I don’t know how it happened

Life moves in seasons
Not everyone will be there for everyone
I wanted you to be there for a few more
But that wasn’t a part of your plans
Friendship was never permanent with you

I was never a part of your life
I now understand that clearly
I was a place for you to kill some time
While your journey continued
I was just as easily forgotten

If I turn this on myself
I see where I’ve done this to other people
Without meaning too
I’ve cast good people aside
It’s a shame we all carry

Let us not forget the people that touch our lives
If someone wants you to be in their lives
You both will find a way to stay there
Life will throw many disappoints at you
Friendship shouldn't be one of them

June 1, 2018

Take Me Home

None of this feels right
And it hasn’t for a long time
This state of mind is no longer healthy
I know what’s causing it
And I know what to do about it

I don’t know why I’ve been hesitating
This prison I’ve built for myself
The bars I’ve been living behind
Have been of my own making
The doors have been open this entire time

I want to go home
But home isn’t here anymore
It hasn’t been for a long time
Take me home
To the place I should’ve been all this time

I know where I need to be
I need to be there for you
So I can be a better person for you
I want to be happy for you
Even if we are not together

I don’t care if you are with me yet
I’m not asking you to be
The plans are set
Hope is on the horizon
The future will be ours

Fall and Rise

I have seen you
At your worst and your best
I have seen you fall and rise
I have seen you beat back the demons
And watch them scream as they run away

I have seen you plunge into
The darkest areas of your soul
And come out the other side
Shining brighter than before
I don’t know how you do it

I have seen on your face
Smiles of madness and joy
I’ve seen the spectrum
Of hope and despair
And the scars of battle

I’ve tried to be there for someone
Who doesn’t need anyone
I’ve watched with silent awe
And tried to support the hero
Of her own story

You don’t need anyone
You never have
I have seen a human being
Suffer more than anyone should
And not lose what makes them bright

You will fight until there is no fight left
I will be there no matter the outcome
Friendship means more than fighting battles
It’s seen in the reverie afterwards
And the enduring friendship that lasts through the ages